


In the Strawberry Fields

by Neon_Brachiosaurus



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Sad feelings, sad thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24681550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neon_Brachiosaurus/pseuds/Neon_Brachiosaurus
Summary: Rachel feels out of place in the magical world of Camp Halfblood
Kudos: 5





	1. 1

Rachel roamed the strawberry fields in the blazing sun, hands spread to the side as if if she tried hard enough she could absorb the sunny atmosphere. Camp was peaceful but something felt wrong, there was a twisting feeling in her gut like everything would shatter if she got to close to it , as though she needed to observe from afar in order to preserve everyone's smiles. She wasn't like them. She had been enraptured with Percy's mystical world but now apart of it her place felt forced and strained, standing meters away frozen in time, reliving memories tirelessly attempting to convince her heart that everything was okay. A hand subconsciously grabbed her hairbrush from her pocket and began to fiddle with it, she rose it to her hair roughly sorting through her tangles. Her mind was fixated on the task.  
If she could just smooth every thing out.  
Get rid of the curls.  
Get rid of her problems.  
Maybe things would be fixed.

They weren't.


	2. Camp Half-Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't quite sure when I wanted this to take place but I'm imagining it after TLO but before Percy went missing. Also sorry if anyone is acting OOC this is my first time writing fanfiction. :)

It was the first week of summer and Rachel was wandering the camp grounds looking for something to catch her attention. All around her children and teens alike talked and laughed, the atmosphere was light and warm like a freshly baked vanilla cupcake. Rachel found it sickening, everything was too perfect; she wanted to like it but she just couldn't. Why was it that their smiles were effortless when hers was plastered on her face itching and stinging. Her feet moved perfectly synchronized the way they had the days before and before, over and over pacing the around the cabins hoping to find something to spark life in her soul. 

By the archery range she spotted Billie Ng leading a new camper around her blue hair swishing softly as she walked. 'I'll go over and introduce myself' Rachel thought. She was ignited with confidence she walked over, she would help give a tour, and hopefully make a friend. ' This was good, now I have a purpose.' She arranged her face trying her best to look like the peppy, friendly self she needed to be.  
"Hey Billie!, who's this?" Two pairs of eyes turned to her, one happy and the other a little more aloof. Billie was not her closest friend but she knew her well enough, the other girl, must have just gotten here she looked no older than 9 with her brown hair dripping into her face on one side. Her stance guarded; hands crossed and pressed up to her chest, shoulders hunched over.  
" I'm Mia" She whispered after a pause looking at the floor.  
" That's a pretty name can I help show you around camp?" Rachel responded crouching down to be at eye level with the girl, turning up her smile to the max. Billie sent Rachel a relived look, watching the interaction with interest. Mia looked up at Rachel and gave her a small smile.  
"Ok,"  
"Great!" Rachel exclaimed grabbing her hand and leading the girls across the lawn.  
"So this camp is just for half-bloods like me?" Mia asked tentatively her face looked slightly more worried but at the same time hopeful. Rachel froze the words slashing her, " just half-bloods". They hurt. She was aware that Both Billie and Mia were now staring her but she found herself unable to move, the simple question seemed to circle around her in a fiery tornado and she could feel tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.  
" I...I ha..have to go.....sorry." The last word was barely spoken but to her the echo was deafening. She spun around running to her cave unaware of the voices and hands that reached out to help her.


	3. Painting with Tears

Rachel's feet brought her to her cave; her sanctuary. She had designed it to be the perfect comfy nook, with plush couches and warm lamps. The walls were painted with dreams, and a fluffy rug reached out to each wall that was lined with bookshelves and display cases filled with memorabilia from stolen moments in her childhood. On rainy days she would look at them and try to picture her parents as the loving people she painted in daydreams and whispers. When she first started designing it she was thrilled with the creative control she had, the way she could shape the den however she wanted, it felt like power; an assurance that she could change the world. The cave was something permanent in a world that was spinning too fast. It was a sign that she belonged with all the other heroes, but now the separation from the cabins just seemed to be another way she couldn't be with everyone else. She collapsed into her bed hugging her pillow to her face and letting her body go limp while her thoughts thrashed around in her head. She was all alone in her world, her cavern, her prison. 

Eventually, her eyes dried up but the pain was still there, evident in her breaths which were sporadic and harsh. She didn't want to let go, because that meant confronting everyone about why she was so beat up and nothing sounded more unappealing than that. She mentally squirmed, what was she supposed to say: that she was sad? Or that she felt left out?! 'Grow up' they'd say ' The rest of us are risking or lives while you are just laying around' or even worse they'd coddle her and look down on her like she was some sort of animal they had to take care of. ' Poor little Rachel,' the voices murmured ' All alone' Then the voices turned into childhood friends 'My parents say your spoiled and rich' and her parents ' Why do you insist on embarrassing us!'. Her hands clenched into fist needing an output for all the pent up anger. They didn't understand! She was trying her best! Couldn't they leave her alone!!

"STOP!" She screamed bursting into tears again ashamed at thoughts that wanted to hurt all the people who had wronged her. No, it wasn't their fault, this was her problem to deal with and she needed to calm down to accurately assess her feelings and fix her thoughts. She stumbled over to her easel, wincing after passing the mirror and her tear-stained reflection. Her face looked foreign as if it had changed since she last saw it. She raised her hand to touch her cheek curious if it was real if she even existed. Of course, she could feel her face but that didn't stop the disappointed feeling that crept into her heart, that if she was just a spirit she could float away from her problems and just pretend and believe that everything was fine and everyone was happy.

When Rachel painted she got to experience a taste of this feeling letting herself relax to the point where she was barely conscious. Just focusing on what felt right rather than what she thought she could do. Her brushes dipped into each of the glossy colors and smeared them together becoming one with the canvas. As her hands danced around the painting her mind settled down, her stance relaxed and her thoughts wandered to sunny beaches and cozy forests. As if on cue her mouth started to smile and her mouth hummed a little tune as she started dancing around the room letting her hair bounce and fly. She laughed and fell backward unto her couch enjoying the peacefulness of her room and mind. She strolled back to her easel bouncing slightly in joy. There was something magical when she painted without fail it managed to cheer her up, now she could lock up her fears to deal with them in the night when her sobbing wouldn't be heard. Recounting the events of the day she considered her next course of action, she could tell the truth, part of the truth, or lie. 'I mean it's not their business to know, right? Lies of omission were always a bit of a grey area and it wasn't even an issue that affected them! But of course then if they found out later it could be worse.' No. Rachel was going to delay that day as far as she could, in her mind there wasn't even anything to tell, yes she sometimes felt like she was slipping away from them whenever they talked. It felt like an upstream battle as if they would move on without her if she ever let herself stop fighting to be included, and she would be left behind to go running back to her parents like they always wanted. ' But this wasn't a problem.. no... this was normal.'

She scrubbed her paintbrushes, paint streaking her hands in shades of red and orange, she felt an odd desire to drag the color across the world and let everyone experience her thoughts, her wonder. Her sorrow.


End file.
